Yesterday I had my growth scan. Apart of me was kinda hoping for little growth, just because I'm so fed up. When I was told they are happy with his growth I was so relieved. Relieved he is growing, relieved that he's doesn't have IUGR, relieved that he's just a small baby.
I ended up on the CTG machine twice yesterday because of reduced movements. The first time I came out quite happy, he's growing and he's happy. The second time I came out an emotional wreck.
The midwife that saw me the second time actually really got to me. Apart of me thinks she doesn't believe that I'm not feeling him as much as I used to as I was on there 20 minutes and felt him 5 times while I was on there.
For some reason he'll go pretty much all day with hardly moving, yet while I'm on the CTG he'll start moving again. It was made worse by the midwife saying he may well be moving but I am just not feeling it. Then to add insult to injury my hubby adds that quite a few times he's felt baby move and I haven't.
So last night I ended up hardly eating anything and going to bed feeling really low.
I've barely eaten today as I still feel like an emotional wreck, I feel so low. I hate feeling like this. I feel so stupid for feeling like this. I have to cope with another 2 and a half weeks wondering if he's moving and I'm not feeling it, or wondering if he's not actually moving.
I feel like I'm not being listened too.
On a happier not today I have reached the longest I've been pregnant. 36
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